Do you ever feel like you’re constantly chasing an impossible ideal? Perfectionism, the relentless striving for flawlessness, can be a major roadblock to happiness and success.
Perfectionism is a trait that sounds on the one hand like a very good idea. Why wouldn’t we want to be perfect or aim for perfection? Yet, when we look deeper, we see that it is a trait which doesn’t always serve us well.
Women we know are particularly prone to perfectionism. It is how we socialise girls to be good (aka compliant) and that leads to good girl syndrome.
In my younger days, I was very susceptible to believing that I had to be perfect at what I did. I took setbacks very badly and tried to avoid any criticism by spending hours on the small details rather than accepting the reality, which is that it was good enough as it was. Did I manage to deliver perfect work? Sometimes, yes. But when I look back I see that I spent a lot of time on small details and concerns that added little value to the overall result and caused me ridiculously high amounts of stress. Let me explain.
What does Perfectionism look like?
Perfectionism is a trap that is very easy to fall into. There are a number of behaviours that would indicate that you are being a perfectionist including:
- Relentless Self-Criticism: Perfectionists hold themselves to unrealistic standards and dwell on mistakes.
- Procrastination Paralysis: Fearing imperfection can lead to putting things off until the last minute or even abandoning them altogether.
- Difficulty Accepting Feedback: Perfectionists may view criticism as a personal attack, making it hard to learn and grow .
- Neglecting Wellbeing: The pursuit of perfection can lead to neglecting sleep, relationships, and self-care in favour of achieving unrealistic goals. I definitely recognise this one.
Why is this a bad thing?
While perfectionism might seem like a drive for excellence, it often hinders progress and well-being:
- Decreased Productivity: The fear of making mistakes can lead to procrastination and hinder the ability to complete tasks .
- Anxiety and Depression: Constant pressure and self-criticism can lead to these mental health issues .
- Micro-managing: Perfectionism means you are second guessing yourself and your colleagues. That can lead to tensions in working relationships as you judge yourself and others who don’t meet your impossible standards.
- Burnout: The relentless striving for perfection is one of the leading reasons why women experience overwhelm, exhaustion and burnout, which can have a disastrous impact on their career.
Progress not perfection
A much better approach and one that would give you and those around you a break would be to have a personal mantra like:
“I am aiming for progress not perfection.”
Progress is a much healthier way at looking at how you work. For example:
- Progress is always attainable. Little steps towards big goals are always possible. If you start out with confidence that you will achieve, you are already creating a more positive energy.
- Progress is about pace. When we think in terms of progress, we can set a pace that is realistic based on where we are, our skills and understanding and how much time we can devote towards our goals.
- Progress allows us to balance the benefits with the costs. When we move towards progress, we can think about where our energy is best spent and how to ensure that we reap the benefits of our efforts. When we ditch perfectionism, it’s like going from standard to wide-angle lens. We can judge more accurately where our attention should go.
For this week, think about how you are approaching your work and what you might be telling yourself. Are you aiming for perfection or progress? If you catch your perfectionist tendencies, then remember this mantra:
“I am aiming for progress not perfection.”
In summary
Remember, progress over perfection is a much more empowering approach. Start by setting realistic goals, celebrate your achievements, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. There are many resources available to help you overcome perfectionism and embrace a growth mindset.
If you would like some more ideas, download the first chapter from The Female Edge to get some immediate ideas to help you ditch the perfectionist.