When my female clients tell me they feel overwhelmed, I rarely start by looking at their diaries. Overwhelm is not usually a scheduling problem. It is very often a belief problem.
And underneath the busyness, two beliefs appear again and again:
- I am not good enough.
- I must be perfect.
These beliefs rarely announce themselves so clearly. They show up in behaviour.
How “I’m Not Good Enough” Creates Overwhelm
If somewhere inside you there is a quiet sense of not being enough, your nervous system will try to compensate.
You may:
- Over-prepare.
- Over-deliver.
- Say yes when you mean no.
- Take on more than is reasonable.
- Struggle to delegate.
- Work late to prove your value.
From the outside, it looks like dedication. From the inside, it feels like pressure.
The unspoken equation becomes:
If I achieve more, I will finally feel enough.
But of course, enough never arrives — because the belief sits underneath the achievement.
So the workload grows.
And so does the overwhelm.
How “I Must Be Perfect” Keeps You Trapped
Perfectionism is often praised, particularly in high-performing environments.
But perfectionism is not the same as excellence.
Excellence allows for humanity. Perfectionism does not.
Perfectionism says:
- Don’t make a mistake.
- Don’t disappoint anyone.
- Don’t show uncertainty.
- Don’t let them see you struggle.
So you refine. You rework. You carry what could be shared. You delay decisions because they are not quite right yet.
The cost?
- Mental exhaustion.
Decision fatigue.
Chronic self-criticism.
And a constant sense of being behind.
Perfectionism is not about high standards. It is about fear.
Here is something I have observed repeatedly in coaching: The moment we talk about boundaries, discomfort surfaces.
If I ask:
“What would it look like to say no to that request?”
The response is rarely practical, it is emotional.
“They’ll think I’m incapable.”
“I’ll look selfish.”
“I should be able to cope.”
“Other people manage it.”
That “should” is the voice of the limiting belief.
Because if you truly believed you were enough, you would not need to prove it through exhaustion.
And if you did not believe you had to be perfect, you would allow yourself to set limits without apology.
Overwhelm Is Often a Signal. Overwhelm is not weakness. It is information.
It tells you:
- You are carrying more than is yours.
- You are operating from fear rather than authority.
- You are seeking worth through output.
- You are overriding your own limits.
The work is not simply to reduce tasks. The work is to challenge the belief.
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Who would you be if you already believed you were enough?
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What would you stop doing?
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What would you delegate?
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Where would you allow yourself to be human?
When those internal shifts happen, behaviour changes naturally.
Boundaries become clearer.
Energy stabilises.
Leadership deepens.
Not because life becomes easier —
but because you are no longer trying to earn your place in it.
Here’s a great TEDx talk to help put these pressures of life into perspective.
If you would like support in dealing with overwhelm at work or in life email me: Mary@FindYourJoyFulLife.com and we can talk strategies to lessen the load.