In the previous blog, we discussed the art of receiving feedback. Sometimes that can be hard, like having to eat an unpleasant meal, but almost always there is some magic inside the feedback, which if we are able to receive calmly, can really help us to move forward with our development.
The other side of the coin is giving feedback. The two are linked, like different sides of a coin. You cannot give good feedback if you are not open to receiving it. You cannot receive feedback if you avoid giving it. If you hold fear of your abilities, you inadvertently close yourself off to hearing what might need to be improved. At the other end of the spectrum, if you are closed to receiving feedback, you can be overbearing in giving it freely to others without being willing to receive any in return. Like all things in life, balance is key. We can only give what we receive.
Whenever you are giving feedback to someone, it is always helpful to put it into a clear context. One way you can structure your feedback and make it meaningful to the receiver is through the ARC model gives you three simple steps to follow:
- Action: What did they do
- Reaction: What happened as a result
- Consequences: How will this affect the situation
First, what was the Action that you observed? Be as specific about time, place, and context as you can.
Second, what was your Reaction to the action? How did it make you feel? Explain rather than express your emotions. This is especially important if you are angry. Calm down first, and then explain that you are angry, rather than show it. It will be much more impactful.
Third, what was the Consequence of the action? Did it undermine a process, policy, or person? Did it give a false impression of a situation? For you to have an emotional reaction (and almost all feedback situations have first incited some emotions from us), there must have been some transgression that the person acting with the best thinking they could access at the time did not see. If that is the case, using the ARC model and giving the feedback calmly can help the person to process the information and find a better way.
By giving feedback calmly, clearly and in a structured way, you are learning not only the value of helping people on their development path, but you are seeing the value of it when someone offers feedback to you, however poorly it might be delivered.
All feedback is good as it gives us a moment of pause and to consider something from a different angle. Only some of it is useful, as it depends on the level of self-awareness and the intention of the giver.
By exercising your feedback muscle in both giving and receiving, you will find your filter becomes more efficient in identifying what to take and what to leave. You will also see your reputation as a leader grow, as you become known for your frank, fair and open exchange of views and your willingness to give constructive feedback to others.
This is an excerpt from The Female Edge which is available on Amazon.