One of the principal reasons we play small in our lives is that we do not want to draw attention to ourselves. There may be many reasons for this, but one of the most prominent is the fear of what others will think of us and how they will judge us. This quandary of worrying about others’ judgment, wanting to avoid their judgments, and staying small creates an ever-decreasing circle of confidence. The more we indulge in this thinking, the harder it is to break and to find the confidence to express our true selves.
Women particularly are vulnerable to the illusion of perfectionism as a route to success. In How Women Rise, the authors talk of deep-rooted conditioning that starts in childhood:
‘Girls tend to be rewarded for being obedient daughters and excellent students, while boys are given more latitude. People will speak fondly of a naughty little boy…especially if he’s good at sports. By contrast, girls who fail to conform to expected standards don’t get much of a break. Such expectations can prompt girls to seek approval by striving to get everything right.’
In finding your edge as a leader, you need to ditch the perfectionist habit and become comfortable with who you are. That means all of who you are. The bits that are great, sharp, and perform brilliantly in all situations and the bits that are not-so-great and perhaps cast a shadow on some of that brilliance. The more you can own both your light and your shadow, the more authentically you can show up as a leader.
My top tips for moving beyond perfectionism are:
- Practice acceptance – not just for yourself but for everything around you. Instead of getting stressed when plans don’t work out, or people fail to perform – first accept, then respond. Acceptance is not to say that something is acceptable, only that you are not trying to deny the reality you face.
- Know that you are good enough and so is your work. Perfectionism is often driven by an underlying fear that we are not good enough and we, therefore, put ourselves under unreasonable pressure to perform
- Not everything needs to be solved right away or by you alone. Being reflective about your work, saving that last email and thinking about your message and leaving it until the morning, or getting a second opinion before you act can all help to improve the overall outcome of a situation.
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