To be good at receiving feedback, you must be good at giving feedback and vice-versa. If you doubt your own abilities, you inadvertently close yourself off to hearing what might need to be improved. At the other end of the spectrum, if you are closed to receiving feedback, you can be overbearing in giving feedback to others. Like all things in life, balance is key. We can only give what we receive. It is not possible to be good at receiving feedback unless we have learned the fine art of giving feedback. One simple model I have developed for this is the ARC model which is three simple steps to effortlessly give feedback in any situation.
- Whenever you are giving feedback to someone, it is always helpful to put it into a clear context. What was the Action that you observed? Be as specific about time, place, and context as you can.
- What was your Reaction to the action? How did it make you feel? Explain rather than express your emotions. Why was their action not what was required and what was the action you would have expected to see?
- What was the Consequence of the action? Did it undermine a process, policy, or person? Did it give a false impression of a situation? For you to have an emotional reaction (and almost all feedback situations have first incited some emotions from us), there must have been some transgression that the person acting with the best thinking they could access at the time did not see. If that is the case, using the ARC model and giving feedback calmly can help the person recognise their blind spot and overcome it.
By giving feedback calmly, clearly and in a structured way, you are learning not only the value of helping people on their development path, but you are seeing the value of it when someone offers feedback to you, however poorly it might be delivered.
All feedback is good as it gives us a moment of pause and to consider something from a different angle. Only some of it is useful, as it depends on the level of self-awareness and the intention of the giver. Have you had an overbearing feedback-giver? Someone who is aggressive and not willing to listen to you? Not all feedback will be in your best interest. By exercising your feedback muscle in both giving and receiving, you will find your filter becomes more efficient in identifying what to take and what to leave. You will also see your reputation as a leader grow, as you become known for your frank, fair and open exchange of views and your willingness to give constructive feedback to others.
I’ll be sharing the EDGE model and more insights into the unique challenges that female leaders face in an exclusive FREE webinar on Tuesday 21st September at 1 pm (BST). If you want to hear first-hand how the EDGE model can accelerate your leadership ambitions and have a chance to win a free signed copy of my book, register your interest here.